300 Spears Purple Rain in Season Opener

From wire reports

June 12, 2008 - In the first game of the ABA season, 300 defeated Purple Rain 77-52. 300 compensated for its lack of interior defense with lights-out 3-point shooting. Both teams were sloppy throughout the game, showing signs of rust after a long off-season. Even the referees contributed to the preseason atmosphere of the game, making questionable foul calls on many occasions while neglecting to call obvious fouls at other times.


Hindered by numerous turnovers and traveling calls, Purple Rain could not overcome an early deficit caused by an uninspired start. Despite not being able to stop 300's hot shooters with a 2-3 zone, Purple Rain started clicking on offense in the second half, aided by the realization that 300 played a very lax man-to-man defense and the return of team superstar Michael Allen. At halftime, Allen had dramatically returned from helping inner-city kids with eye disease learn to swim. Nevertheless, Purple Rain's late surge was not enough.

Purple Rain's marquee free agent signing in the off-season, Jimmy Jen, led the team in scoring with 18 points and started in place of Timothy Pang, the incumbent starter at point guard. Pang is serving a two-week suspension after failing his second drug test in the off-season. Forward Farouk Kolaghassi bounced back with a solid game after a disappointing rookie season last year. Purple Rain's other much-hyped rookie from last season, Aaron "Choo Choo" Tyler, was traded at the annual GM meeting in December for a washing machine and cash considerations.

When asked about the team's inauspicious start to the season at the post-game press conference, Purple Rain guard Karson Chang replied optimistically. "Worried? I'm not worried. It's just early-season jitters. We'll be fine once we settle down and get Tim and Mike [Jagielski] back. I'm more worried about our washing machine. It's starting to leak water and make weird noises."

Even though players like Chang are optimistic, the end result was still the same for the beleaguered Purple Rain. After a tumultuous off-season in which the franchise relocated and changed its name from the Earthquakers to Purple Rain, the team is trying to use its new identity to get a fresh start this season and erase memories of a disappointing last-place finish in 2007. After tonight's loss, Purple Rain's fresh start will just have to wait one more game.