Amaricen Leage and Natoinal Leegue Prdictions

Certain assholes on this blog think i'm a bit unreliable. They're the same assholes who think i got myself a drinking problem. They're the same assholes who can go fuck themselves. Had to get that out while i was still sober. Anyways on to predictions of the baseball variety. After a fantastic final month in the N.L. last year, we were subjected to the most god awful boring post-season. One in which some lucky (i.e. shitty) team from Colorado used the power of their physics defying space park and some short stop named Troy Tuloqueertsky to sweep all the interesting teams. Thankfully they wont be back in the playoffs once i turn off the anti gravity settings at Coors Field. Holy shit! It's really called Coors Field? Maybe ill be paying a visit there real soon.

N.L. East - New York Mets
N.L. Central - Chicago Cubs
N.L. West - Los Angeles Dodgers
N.L. WC - Philadelphia Phillies

MVP - Jose Reyes
Cy Young - Johan Santana
Surprise Team - Atlanta Braves
ROY - FUCK DOME!
Surprise Player - Yunel Escobar
Disappointing Team - Rockies
Disappointing Player - Carlos Beltran

Yeah that looks about right.

World Series Predictions

Yes, you heard me right. WORLD SERIES predictions. No need for all of this "surprising" team and whatnot nonsense. I'll just say this: the Yankees* and Diamondbacks* will be in the World Series, with the Yankees becoming "World" Champions.

It's always bothered me that whenever American teams win championships we call them "World Champions." How arrogant are we to assume that our leagues are automatically better than other leagues around the world? It's not like the U.S. won the World Baseball Classic. Or the gold medal at the Olympics in Basketball. Or the silver medal.

What's that? You say that the women's basketball team won the gold medal?

Dwyane Wade: World Champion

Silly goose. Women's basketball isn't a sport.

Oh, and you can't depend on alcoholic leprechauns for anything, including baseball predictions. Actually, you can't depend on leprechauns period, because it's assumed that all leprechauns are alcoholic.


*barring any injuries (hehehe...umbrella clauses are great)

NL Predictions

The other two writers of this blog evidently don't appreciate our national pastime enough to get their predictions out before opening day (they incorrectly chose blue crab and running over the greatest sport of all-time). So I'll have to pick up the slack once again (actually for the first time, but I assume there will be many more). I guess it's just rare to see this type of dedication in today's me-first world. I had to leave a charity softball game for disabled children to get this done in time (the children are our future) because I love sports and all of my loyal readers, and I'm going to always put that first even if it means sacrificing some me-time. But I'm not looking for praise for my inspiring selfless actions, I just want to do my job and have the satisfaction of doing it right.

On to the predictions for the real baseball league:

NL West - Arizona Diamondbacks
NL Central - Chicago Cubs
NL East - New York Mets
Wild Card - Philadelphia Phillies

WS Champs - New York Mets

MVP - Chase Utley (third straight Phillie to win it)
Cy Young - Johan Santana
ROY - Johnny Cueto
Surprise Team - Cincinnati Reds
Surprise Player - Rickie Weeks
Disappointing Team - San Diego Padres
Disappointing Player - Chris Young

*Note: Surprise player and team based on level of surprise of blog readers. Having correctly predicted their success, I will not be surprised.

-Amelius Althor III aka Destroyer of Ignorance

AL Predictions

Just got back from Tokyo. Man, the First Class service for American Airlines has really drop in the past two years. Is getting an '87 Merlot at the right temperature, too much to ask for in this half-assed world. Next time I'll just take my yacht, and spend more time with Candy (Don't tell my wife). So anyways, let me enlighten you less fortunate plebs of my newly gained knowledge from abroad, along with my predictions for the American League, which you can feel free to take to your bookie or whatever means for gambling you poor bastards use.

While chatting with Billy Beane in his suite, I picked up on a few things that could be pretty important come July (if you know what I mean). And you don't know, so I'll just tell you that I'm talking about Beane trading players before the July deadline. We primarily discussed Beane's newfound passion, international soccer (he loves Drogba, by the way). Despite the lack of baseball talk I was still able to come up with valuable nuggets thanks to my ability to translate body movements and voice tone(I got an A introductory psychology at Havard).

• Mark Ellis will be traded, most likely to the Cubs after DeRosa takes a step back to his days in Texas.
• The Yankees will dip into their pool of prospects to get Harden after he appears on track to get back to pre-injury form.
  
• Huston Street or a revived Keith Foulke will go to the highest bidder. My guess is that one will end up with the Rays after they find themselves still into the playoff hunt deep into the year.

On to the predictions:

AL West - Los Angeles Angels
AL Central - Detroit Tigers
AL East - Boston Red Sox
Wild Card - New York Yankees

Al Champs - Detroit Tigers

MVP - Miguel Cabrera
Cy Young - Felix Hernandez
ROY - Clay Buchholz
Surprise Team - Tampa Bay Rays ('09 WS)
Surprise Player - Bobby Abreu
Disappointing Team - Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim
Disappointing Player - Alex Rios

Write them down, memorize them, and try not to drool on yourself.

-Amelius Althor III aka Destroyer of Ignorance

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...

Come, come, little ones. Come suckle at the teat of sports knowledge.